Thursday, June 19, 2008

75 mph of pure goodness

From the Archive:

June 2004

Step right up! Come on in! Yes, folks, its that time of year…

See everyone’s favorite mustachioed philosopher/pitcher baffle the bats of Boston’s best brooding bumptious batsmen!

See the lanky right-hander crush the competition, amaze the opposition, foil his foes with his freezing, fascinating fatalistic fastball, twirling twelve-to-six curveballs, slippery slashing sliders, slick, slicing sluicing slurves, and chortling changeups!

See the sophomore sensation earn his doctorate in strikeouts as he battles Brighton, maligns Medford, conquers Cambridge, beats Brookline, assails Allston, and strangles and sodomizes Somerville!

Hear the whiffs as foes futilely flail at “Doc” Goldwater’s deceptive deliveries!

Taste the delicious dogs that, uh, you bring from home!

Feel the excitement, that, uh, comes from seeing amateur baseball played in a public park!

Yes, friends, come see exciting Yawkey League action this summer. The Yawkey League has been ranked the 9th best amateur league in the country by the National Semi-Pro Baseball Association. It’s perennial champion, Somerville Alibrandis, has been ranked the 15th best team in the country by the NSPBA.

The annual All-Star game is held at none other than Fenway Park, home of that other baseball team from Beantown! Come stuff the ballot box!

See childhood dreams realized!

So come on down, and watch me play! Tickets are free! In fact, they don’t exist!

You can follow all the action, get schedules, and field directions at Look for me and my stats on my team’s page- the Brighton T’s Pub Mariners.

Too lazy for all that? Why not catch a game on the boob tube- Yawkey League games are often televised on Comcast Channel 8 in Boston.

Don’t have cable or a car or legs, you cheap lazy bastard? Find the results in the sports section of the Boston Herald and Boston Globe (we’re right there next to golf, horseracing and the WNBA)

So come find out what Sandy Koufax, Gabe Kapler and me have in common. Already know? Then see me in tight pants, with a funny old-fashioned mustache, trying to beat a bunch of Italians and Irishmen!

What could be more fun? Wait, don’t answer that.

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