Monday, August 4, 2008

Occam's Razor- Giambi's Slump Not Due To, But Despite, Mustache

I have to admit it. There was one thing about the Yankees I could not bring myself to hate, not in a million cliches.

Jason Giambi's mustache.

Even when Giambi's weak glove rode the bench, that 'stache could never take a day off. It was business all over. All the time.

But now, alas, it's gone. Giambi, in a bit of superstition, has shaved off that gruff, solid 'stache, and gone back to his plain old thong-wearing self.
As a philosopher, I have a special affection for mustaches. Here's me around two years ago, being all wisdomy, broody and mysterious-looking at a Barnes N Noble cafe, where all the world's serious thinking gets done.
Notice how in touch with the profound truths of the universe I am? Can't you tell I'm cogitating nature's most abstract secrets?

And here's me, sans 'stache, more recently, a normal, not especially philosophical regular guy, still in front of books, but now less sure he comprehends them, and mostly thinking about which dry cleaner to go to.

I didn't treat my mustache with the respect it deserved, and now it's gone. And now I have even more reason to hope Giambi's slump continues; he lost faith in the power of the mustache, and the cosmos should let him know this is no small transgression, as it did with me.

I'm sad now. I'll leave you with two great philosopher mustaches- Nietzsche and a young Bertrand Russell.


And a ballplayer.

8 comments:

becca said...

I take offense to the statement that life has gone poorly for your since shaving the moustache. Especially since we are at this moment celebrating our two year anniversary, and you are (thankfully) sans 'stach.

Richard Goldwater said...

Mazeltov on your anniversary -
you are a great couple...

Eric said...

A few years ago, I was walking up School Street in Boston when I passed a young man sporting a mustache that would have done Nietzsche proud - he looked like the photos of the old bartenders from the Cheers intro. I've always wondered about the amount of effort needed to sustain that type of growth.

Soxlosophy said...

beccer- we all know that when we met i had the mustache- so don't you try to 'thankfully' me.

"richard"- thanks!

eric- i'd say a bad ass 'stache is worth whatever effort it takes, but i must say those guys in the crazy mustache contests go too far. just like with pitching, over the line is when foreign substances like gels and waxes get involved.

Marc said...

amusing, personal, accessible. the spacial presentation is the real winner here though.

it's impossible to hate the mustache because facial hair is anti-yankee by nature.

Soxlosophy said...

ha, good point marc! and thanks.

but you shouldn't encourage me to talk about me more, methinks...

Gerard said...

admittedly it takes a sincere effort to cultivate a dynamo 'stache... but i think it has more to do with genetics, perseverance and the tolerance of (or perhaps utter lack of) a girlfriend that would allow a fellow to sprout such a facial rug. the use of waxes and/or gels would simply suggest that the mustachioed man in question subscribes to a smaller niche of like minded metro-stache-uals who prefer to augment their whiskers with sticky product, taming and shaping their face to pop culture perfection.

in the end though i think life is just better with a mustache than without.

Soxlosophy said...

here here!

'metro-stache-uals.' nice.

mustaches are manly. hipsters and such are only manly ironically.