Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What Kind of Universe is This, Anway?; All-Star Cosmology

I thought perhaps the moral universe might save Dan Uggla.

In an All-Star game, one can be forgiven for thinking the stars might be aligned just so.

Uggla whiffed in the 8th. With runners on first and third in the top of the 10th, he bounced into an inning ending double play. In the bottom of the 10th, he perpetrated two errors, loading the bases with nobody out.

But Cook got out of the jam. So in the top of the 12th, the beleaguered Uggla tread to the plate, bases loaded, one out.

Perhaps the moral universe might have seen fit to reverse Uggla's fortunes. Instead, he got the filthiest jelly legging cartoony curveball I've ever seen, courtesy of Joakim Soria. It was 67 mph of pure you've-got-to-be-shitting-me. Uggla poked at it like he wasn't sure it was dead. Strike 3.

Uggla ended up 0-4 with 3 Ks and 3 errors, an All-Star game record. If it smells like a goat, and chews like a goat...

But I should have known the universe contained pockets of injustice and I'll-be-damned on this night; Tim McCarver, the butcher of Oxford, actually had a good line.

When that adorable and sophisticated Bronx crowd chanted "overrated" at Papelbon in the 8th inning, he responded by overpowering the aforementioned Uggla. McCarver quipped (yes, McCarver actually quipped) that with that K, "Papelbon is saying 'if you think I'm overrated, get a bat.'"

F yeah, McCarver. F yeah.

It was that kind of night. Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.

On the other hand, a Red Sox player won MVP in the last All-Star game at Yankee stadium. Ortiz is coming back, and the Sox are in first place at the break. So all is right in the universe, after all. Uggla will have to take care of himself.


Barry said...

I don't think the answer came out in last night's game, so if someone could help: how many more All Star Games will be played at Yankee Stadium? For that matter, how many more years will Yankee Stadium be used?

On another subject: why in the fuck are Yankee fans so outraged by Papelbon essentially saying, "I am a professional baseball player, and if I had my way, I would play as much baseball as possible"? Is that really such a bad thing?

These are the same Yankee fans who booed JD Drew AFTER his 2 run shot brought the AL out of a hole.

It's possible that the Bronx fans aren't terribly smart. I know I am going out on a limb, but I have a strong hunch.

Gummy said...

The Butcher of Oxford also said that when Tito asked Kazmir something after the top of the 15th,
"Kazmir shook his head yes." You can't shake your head yes, you moron Tennessee hick!

Anonymous said...

I can't believe even tacitly that you appauled McCarver. Serious what kind of universe id this.

Soxlosophy said...

ha! Good call, Gummy.

Barry said...

That Soria pitch should have shared MVP honors with Drew. It was a rotten thing to do to a batter. Just filthy.

A wise baseball fan suggested to me that, had that pitch won co-MVP, it would likely have fielded the question, "what does it feel like to be a pitch?"

Soxlosophy said...

thanks, barry! on the ball as always...

(also, wisdom's just another word for nothing left to buy)

Barry said...

One more comment on last night's game, then I will leave it alone. For obvious reasons, Uggla's name is a tempting one to make fun of. After last night's horror show, it would be criminal not to use his name against him.

My proposal: whenever a player doesn't redeem himself, he's "pulled an Uggla".

Drop an easy fly ball and strike out looking shortly thereafter? You've pulled an Uggla.

Get senselessly insulted by the New York fans for expressing your enthusiasm, then fail to shut down the offense in the 8th? Sorry, Jonathan, but that was some Uggla relief work.

Barry said...

I seem not to be able to edit my posting, so a little clarification:

It's not so much a failure to redeem oneself that is Uggla, it's a failure to fulfill the karmic expectation or redemption.

So it's not failing twice, it's getting shit on by the universe, which may be manifested as failure. Hence, Papelbon's Uggla.

Barry said...

To give a sense of how long last night's game lasted, I had the good fortune to watch the game with the author of Soxlosophy. When the game began, he was 28 years old. I swear to god, he was 29 when it ended.

Soxlosophy said...

I'm an author. Yay!

Oh right, that was you I watched the game with. I couldn't hear you over all that aging I was doing.

Barry said...

Would that you aged louder than Tim McCarver bloviated.